Time Off for Good Behavior?
I am a workaholic. Although I am NOT a prolific blogger, Â it is because I have committed myself to too much work this year. The math didn’t add up in September when the madness started, and it doesn’t add up now. So my blog suffers, and I just do the best I can and deal with the deficit the best I can. But I love being busy. I choose it. Â I like having a lot of work, because I love my work. Â I love my work more than I love a lot of aspects of parenting, and waaaaay more than I love housework. Â But I care about my parenting, and my housework, and my career and I know when I am not doing my best at any of them.
I took some time this week to “go for coffee”. Wow, I used to do that a lot. Living in Israel, especially single and dating, going for coffee was the norm. Nowadays I don’t seem to go anywhere except for the grocery store and work. Â Since I work at the same place I drop off my kids for school and from home, that means basically I just go to the grocery store.
So, justifying this outing as a good work contact – which it is – I took the afternoon and drove off.
On the way home I was so happy to be walking into the mad chaos that is my reality at 4:00 pm. I realized as cliche as it might be that “me time” isn’t just some phrase to justify strolls in the mall for those with too much leisure time. Â We take a Shabbat break from our week, a Shmitta break from our livelihood – but what about a break from our lives? Â IÂ Â feel weak when insisting on such a thing. Do you think that Rivka and Leah got up and told the Avot that they were taking off for Eilat with their girlfriends because the kids were just driving them nuts?
I realized that whether or not it makes me “softer” than generations gone by really isn’t the point. I do my job(s) better when I escape them a bit. I am better at who I am when I don’t have to be who I am for a little while.  Not taking that time, regardless of whether others do or should  is the best way I can take care of everyone else that is counting on me.
So who wants to join me for a few days in Eilat? Or Vegas? Or just “for coffee”?
So true. It took me at leats one and a half kids to start realizing how important time off for mom is. After I had kid #2, (and was a SAHM for a little while), I started taking overnights every 3-4 months. This 24 hour luxury helped rejuvenate me tremendously and I am so lucky my husband was the one who encouraged them.
I feel bad for my girlfriends who think their kids and husbands cannot live without them even for a few hours, let alone an overnight. I am certainly a healthier, more mentally stable mom for my kids for knowing how important me time (away from them) is. Good for you for noticing too. It doesn’t make you soft; it makes you mindful and empowered.
B”H YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN….something to consider ….. what type of ‘me time ‘ is appropriate. If our goal in life is to refine our souls and come closer to Hashem….is coffee without some Torah the best. I don’t know the answer as you know I am NOT judging you just thinking…..may Hashem always give you what you need and may he bless you with sheffa
Social outings are not by definition divorced from Torah and self-improvement. My point is that for me, taking a break is an important part of being at my best. A break does not necessarily mean leaving Torah thoughts and conversation behind, but rather my roles and responsibilities.
I take regular coffees (yay Israel!) with friends, and I do find that a lot of what gets discussed is not necessarily “Torah” but a lot of marriage/parenting within a religious framework. So while it is a break and very freeing from paying work and usual responsibilities, it is also not frivolous. It’s very important to me (and my friends, I think) just to be able to talk things over, out loud, to see if they make sense…at home, over the din of kids, it is usually impossible.
That being said, though, when I lived in America my book clubs were extremely important to me. Those had nothing to do with frumkeit whatsoever. Just pure escape from SAHMing w/2 little kids–it was like a monthly lifeline to the world of adults.
I love the idea of a book club. While it may be true that it isn’t about frumkeit, it is about using and sharpening your mind, which at least theoretically is important for Torah study, aside from just the fun of it!
Definitely agree with being better at who you are if you can not be that for a bit! I try to go on an outing – walk, museum, gallery – a couple of times a month. Although it doesn’t always happen (like yesterday when it was pouring and I decided it wasn’t worth the effort) I find that I come back refreshed and stimulated and there’s often a Torah based insight to share with the kids afterwards, even if it’s “just” niflaos haBoreh