Tablet Condemns Mommyblogs.
Last week, Marjorie Ingall wrote an article in the online Jewish magazine Tablet that made me quite upset. I wanted to scream from the rooftops via this blog. While I expressed my opinion quite unequivocally there in the comments section, I deferred writing about it myself.
First of all, I have never seen anything good come from writing out of anger and actually hitting “send” Â or “publish”. Â Second, I was angry enough that I definitely did not want to respond to the article by sending it lots of extra traffic. Note that I haven’t yet put in the link. You can look at it since I have no doubt made you curious, but I am going to add the link at the end of this piece, because I would rather first get my say.
The title of the article is “Blogorrhea: Why I Don’t Read Mommyblogs”. Had she written about why she personally doesn’t choose to read mommyblogs, I do not think I would have gotten upset. Â However, she wrote that someone else included her in the category somewhere as a mommyblogger and this “horrified” her. The article is primarily explaining her horror, dumping on mommyblogs all along the way.
I found this to be off-putting and I felt angry because of the tone of intellectual superiority, which always pushes my buttons. “I am so much better than you”, regardless of the reasoning – or even the veracity of the statement – will always upset me. The fact that a professional would choose to write an article about why she is superior to mommybloggers as a “real writer” does not seem to be a great topic with which to demonstrate her own point.
Having said that, so what? Â Why write a post about it? Why not choose to think she is an annoying and bad writer and no longer read her stuff, right?
The reason is I think that she chose to make her point by choosing the highest common denominator of her self-defined category and comparing it to the lowest common denominator of mommybloggers in order to demonstrate said superiority. I think she mentioned a tiny number of exceptions to her own rules about mommybloggers, presenting them as the only few gems in a vast sea of trash, and because I think she is dead wrong.
So, while far, far, far fewer people will see this than her article in Tablet magazine, this is why I do read mommyblogs:
There is without a doubt a great number of mommyblogs that are personal diaries stored on-line. While I am sure that they are posted for good reasons, almost none of them ever get my attention. There are a lot of other mommyblogs, however, that confront issues very differently than parenting magazines and personalize them for me in a way that helps me reflect, learn and improve.
There are incredibly talented writers who chose different priorities than a writing career – in many cases their mommyhood – that channel that talent into sharing about issues that matter very deeply to me and inspire me to be a better mother and a better writer.
Many women cope through sharing, and I am one of them. I have found community in the world of blogging in a way that I never could in the real world. There are women whose lives or interests intersect with mine in different ways, with whom I have connected in a way that has changed me forever. While “article writers” may choose to feel that they are “real writers”, they are also distancing themselves from their audience, and are talking at the reader. Â Many mommybloggers are engaged in a powerful cyberdiscussion that flows through many different blogs and cumulatively has an impact on the participants. In my case, that impact has been profound.
I think that there is a very long list of extraordinary, talented, articulate women out there who are passionate about raising children the best way they can. Some are passionate about other things I also love, such as Judaism, Israel, music or the increase of one’s knowledge. They are teaching me and inspiring me and helping me do a better job, exposing me to ideas, challenging my assumptions, inspiring me with photos, poetry, reflections and even sometimes sentimental stories or gripes. They are talking and listening, and the conversations are a part of my growth.
I feel sorry for anyone who isn’t proud to have the title of mommyblogger… she must not know most of you out there that have become my latest heroes. You know who you are.
*As mentioned above, here is a link to the article written by Marjorie Ingall.
Addendum: I wanted to add this link from TrueSlant, with a different take on the issue.
I just read the article. It didn’t make me see red, but nevertheless annoyed me. i can see being exasperating with all the mothers gushing about their kids nonstop. (yet again, unlike real life, you don’t have to read this.) But loath??? Seriously, loath??? And then the whole thing about loathing mommybloggers for not telling the whole truth while loathing them for oversharing. Seriously, decide what you loath more and go with it.
Also, what is so horribly insulting about the term “mommy”? If you are going to be insulted by it, then I suggest not having kids.
Ugh. But she’s a better writer than any of us mommybloggers so she must know better. Cause we, mommies, are kinda brainless and talentless and are writing for the sole pleasure of Marjorie Ingall. There could be no other reasons other than to impress her and her high standards.
I actually think it is a good conversation that we, the inferior mommybloggers of the world, should have; limiting our honesty vs. oversharing. How irritating to read it within such a patronizing and insulting article.
I am not sure what bothers me more, the idea that full time moms are “just mommies” so we should go back to our playgroups and sandboxes and leave the writing to those career mommies who know what they are doing, or the idea that all mommybloggers are being categorized by their lowest common denominator. Oops! I think the chips on my shoulder are showing……
While I’m not sure I would be categorized as a mommyblogger, I most certainly am a mommy, and I blog. Who was it that said, “Write what you know?” As for people calling me Mommy, if they don’t know my name, and are addressing me in the terms of someone’s mother, then Mommy is a good starting point. When Ms. Ingall’s was addressed by her pediatrician as “Mommy,” there was no need to get snippy. It’s a good point in the conversation to answer, “Just call me Ms. Ingall.” And then she calls them schmucks. Who’s the pot and who’s the kettle here.
Trivial little story for you. When my daughter started nursery school way back in the early 90s she had two kids in her class with similar names, Daniel and Danielle. She became good friends with Danielle, but for some reason always called her by her full name, Danielle Habat, as in “Can Danielle Habat come over to play after school? Can I eat Friday night dinner at Danielle Habat’s house?” This went on for years. When Danielle’s mother and I would talk on the phone, we would identify ourselves by saying, “Danielle’s mommy? This is Tehila’s mommy calling.” Perfectly acceptable. Years went by and Tehila and Danielle were now in their teens. One day Tehila asks, “Can I go with Danielle Habat to the movies in Jerusalem?” No problem. When Tehila was late coming home I thought perhaps she had stopped off at her friend’s house, so I called. Thinking we were already beyond the Tehila’s Mommy/Danielle’s Mommy greeting, but realizing I didn’t know this woman’s first name, when she answered the phone I asked, “Mrs. Habat?” And then the laughter started. Habat wasn’t their family name. You see, all the way back in nursery school, there was Daniel Haben (the boy) and Danielle Habat (the girl). Can you hear me blushing?
SOOOO funny, absolutely priceless. Now I have one to share back. The first year my now 7 yo was in preschool, his classmate’s mother came over to me one morning at school. Apparently she was getting increasingly worried about his socialization at school. When she asked who he played with, he always said “no one”. He would tell her that “no one shared his toy with me today,” or “no one went on the slide with him at recess” and on and on… she was so relieved to finally realize that he was saying No-am….. : )
(He is named after Noam Apter, z”l, an amazing story on its own which I will have to blog about another time.)
OMG, gilgulim and gilgulim. I used to work with Yossi, Noam’s father, at the Jerusalem College of Technology. Great guy, but what happened at Otniel changed him forever. My oldest daughter’s friends were all up there that night, Shana Alef kids, including my now step-son Moshe. And now my step-son, Ilan, is a beinish at Otniel. The last time we went to visit and bring goodies we passed the plaque, and the kitchen door. Shivers. I look forward to that story. I think.
You do look forward; it is a good and heartwarming one. Yossi and his wife Piki are very special people. Everyone had a good laugh over “Danielle Habat” in the car. : )
Loving the stories in the comments. Not as offended by Marjorie as you are, but subwife makes a good point.
i’m really glad that you wrote this. it’s an important topic of discussion. & so i suppose, in some truly odd and weird-roundabout way, i’m glad that the tablet article was written as well? (that’s actually not true.)
your story about “no one” has me rolling on the floor! thanks … I needed that laugh!
I too read the article about mommy-bloggers and left my two-cents on the article. I did not write about it but mentioned it in a later post I wrote after I dealt with some cyberbullying during her next article. Glad you wrote this post though. It is nice when us mommy-bloggers do stand up for our right to write. 🙂
There are some things I like about Marjorie Ingall and many more that I do not. But I do not think she is all that great a writer. Her non-stop use of -y adjectives that she makes up when there are perfectly acceptable proper alternatives annoys the crap out of me.
Thank you for making me laugh! (and for making me feel better; superiority apparently swings both ways. )