Facebook and Orthodox Judaism
Margelit Hoffman of  Shmuel Hoffman’s Blog wrote  a very honest and thought provoking article for Mavenmall.com called “The Facebook Churban”. In it, she explains why her family is removing the internet from their home. They are Torah observant Jews who work on the internet. It is their livelihood. She has done a fabulous job of articulating the powers of good vs. the dangers. This move will have serious ramifications on their daily routine and what reads to be significant inconveniences. Yet they are removing it anyway.
I agree with just about every word she has to say. At the same time, I am not getting rid of my facebook account, or the internet in my house. Â I feel really good about my remaining focused on using them both for good, and trying to only utilize the blessings of technology for kiddush Hashem. Maybe I am just “not there yet”, maybe my working from a Starbucks is just too unrealistic. Maybe I have an easier time shutting them off and down – I would like to think I do.
Where her post hits closest to home is on the matters of disconnecting from family members and bitul zman (an inappropriate waste of one of Hashem’s greatest gifts to us, time.) If I am going to be honest with myself and truly put G-d in the center all of the time, then I need to do a serious “cheshbon hamachshev, v’machshevot” (accounting of my computer, and my thoughts) about my use of the internet and social media, and perhaps make more guidelines and restrictions for myself. It is as much of a danger from my droid as it is from my laptop, if not more so. And that isn’t dependent upon internet in my home. That depends on me. Â I have left her article up on my laptop, nagging me to reread it and make the personal assessments necessary. Which means getting off of all of the other stuff in cyberspace and really focusing on it!
I don’t think it is an accident that Tisha B’Av comes about a month before Elul. The process of teshuva has begun, and before we know it, the time of cheshbon hanefesh will be here. I know for  me this year, my relationship to my computer, my email, my blessed and beloved social network and the internet will be at the forefront. Stay tuned.
What do you do to avoid hillul Hashem and bitul zman in your house from the internet????
My husband and I were *just* talking about this at dinner tonight! We are also not getting rid of the internet, but I wanted to set some parameters on how much I am on the computer. I mean, how many times do I need to pop on just to see if there’s a notification somewhere? I don’t. But I also feel like there is a tremendous amount of good which can, and indeed, should be, done. However, to do so, I need to be honest about what is productive and what is bitul zman.
Thanks for this. I’m so excited that Margelit’s post is generating discussion. Someone asked me why I psoted that article on MavenMall, since as a website for frum women, why would we want to discourage Internet use in our audience??? But in my opinion, this is one of the ciritcal issues of our generation – and there is no more appropriate place to discuss it that online!
Kol Hakavod for speaking honestly about your own concerns. I’m sure they resonate with most people!
I think that you also deserve a lot of credit for choosing to post her article, as you said in a place where you want to encourage internet use. The piece wasn’t about shutting off, it was about the how and where, and your other piece on this subject has been sitting with me since you wrote it. I would love to getting around to posting my thoughts on that too. I am referring to http://myparnasa.com/the-halachas-of-facebook-google/ – The Halachas of Facebook on parnasa.com…. I am such a big proponent of checking with one’s Rav often, and this just fits in with both topics. I think you can see how much it resonates, and I hope I, and perhaps some others can enter Elul with more clarity!
Such honesty and inspiration. Our income is also based on having the Internet in the house. IN our case there is no way to disconnect the Internet because my husband does IT for banks and has to be available for crises that come up at all hours and does a lot of upgrades at night when no one is working. I think the issue, though, is making sure that you spend focused time on your spouse and children and that you’re not clued to your computer when you should be spending time with them.
I make sure to spend a chunk of quality time with each of these people everyday with my computer closed.
The same can be said for the telephone. There are people who are glued to their phones from the time their children wake up till they go to bed at night. Also not focused attention.
You ask what we do to make sure to avoid hillul Hashem and bitul zman in our house – one critical thing is proper filtering and blocking of spam and inappropriate websites on every device in the house. This is so critical to any frum person who has the internet in their home for parnassah or any other use.
You can contact me at my website if you’d like recommendations for good software to use.
Thanks for the thought provoking discussion!
Great post – I can’t wait to read your follow-up. This is definitely great food for thought; there is so much ego tied up in the Internet, and that in and of itself is a danger for chilul haShem.
Thanks for writing about your own feelings on the topic – and your commitment to keep thinking about it and make it an area of cheshbon and not just an area where we live out our patterns by rote. It’s an important reminder to put thought into every area of our lives.
I also think Shoshana has a very important point – that while the internet has become the in thing to point our finger at in terms of making family life worse, if that happens to someone it’s often a symptom of a personal issue that would likely manifest in other ways had the internet not been there (over-use of the phone, getting distracted by books, scrubbing the house sparkling clean while the children really want a story read, insert your own personal escape here).
On a practical level, in addition to the boundaries and software suggested here, I’d like to mention another suggestion that I find helpful: I try very hard to have my laptop closed and out of the way when my daughter is awake and around. When she’s by the babysitter or when she’s asleep – that’s work time. When she’s awake and with me – that’s Ima time. It’s not always 100% successful, but I find it gives a pretty clear guideline for me, and it’s the feeling I want her to have. (That may not be feasible for everyone, depending on their work obligations and number of children/schedules/etc., but for what it’s worth as an idea…)
Much hatzlacha to everyone. May Hashem guide us in making decisions that will let our gashmiyus serve – and only serve – our ruchniyus.
Amen, Aviva. I agree with you 100%. I had temptations from mindless computer games on my pc long before I had the internet, and that temptation remains. I used to be on the phone all of the time, and my kids hated it. The internet didn’t cause my distraction, my yetzer hara did, and it is my battle regardless of the manifestations in which it appears.
I agree that this is an ongoing struggle, but here is how I’m attempting to maintain a balance with the whole internet thing:
I personally don’t to facebook. I have a page for my website (www.facebook.com/JewishMoms), but I don’t have a personal account. I think that anyone who wants to contact me can email me, but not having facebook means there’s far less correspondence. I had a facebook account for a week a long time ago, and I got flooded and closed it.
I also don’t have a cellphone or iphone or any of those other high tech things.
I also have a 2-7 pm rule. No email or internet between those times when the kids are around.
I also don’t read the news online.
I feel like through these limits I’ve found a pretty good balance in that way. Like you, I feel really thankful to Hashem for the internet that enables me (like you and all us JewishMommy bloggers) to be spreading His light to so many Jewish mothers. Who would have every dreamed that this kind of zikui harabim on such a global and widespread level would have been possible–without even having to leave our homes! A Messianic miracle, IMHO.
But I agree with my dear friend Margelit that we need to use this “miracle” VERY VERY carefully so we don’t get sucked into the whirlpool.
Nice to see so many new posts, are you on vacation, Ima2Seven?
Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I really like the way you have explained this in a follow up on your blog (readers, you should pop over to jewishmom.com to see Chana’s post on this topic). What strikes me most about what you said there is knowing your own pitfalls and limitations. Your guidelines work for you because of your routine and schedule. They wouldn’t work for me. I have to effectively be in more than one place at a time throughout the day, and this makes my email checking and droid use essential for my parnasa. Additionally, my work hours are strange because I work for US and Israeli clientele. You seem to have done a really good job of figuring out what will and won’t work for you. I just haven’t done enough of that yet, and I really do have to.
Your last sentence really made me laugh. I have been able to post precisely because I am BACK from vacation! Being away with my family made it so much harder for me to blog. Now that I am back working, I can structure my time more and that includes time to blog. I wish I could keep up the pace all year round….
I would love to get rid of the internet at home – it is a major time waster BUT both my husband and I work from home, and need the internet connection.
I was recently in Israel, and not as plugged in as I usually am, and it was a mechaya, a total pleasure to be aware of the sights and sounds around me.
I am very careful to give my attention to the kids not the computer when they are around. The work / mom balance is hard enough and factor in the temptations of not wanting to miss out on anything online – it’s hard to strike the right balance.
That being said – I don’t allow my kids unsupervised online access (and I have teen boys) and I find that they don’t really need it.
You need to give yourself permission to turn off the laptop and allow the world to continue without your constant involvement.
It’s a daily struggle – but my kids won’t be at home forever (I Hope) and I don’t want to miss out on anything important in their life.
can I cut down? Absolutely. Will I? I hope so – the kids have been away for a few weeks so I have gotten lazy – but once they are back I have to block off kid time and computer time. NOT EASY but I can do it.
“The internet didn’t cause my distraction, my yetzer hara did” – I love that. You put that so succinctly. Thanks.
Kol hakavod on an excellent article! I work from home as well, and came across Mrs. Hoffman’s post (and this one!) just as I am starting to move into a “Real office.”
thanks for the insights. well done!